Vixx is back, Ahjummas Anon Lives!

Hey, at least I didn’t title the post “VIXX Get Their Balls Out”

Yes, I know it’s been a while. But in real life, I am a pretentious academic, and pretentious academics have shit to do. Well, lucky for you, I’m on a break, which means I have time to post an academic analysis of VIXX’s latest opus, Shangri-La.

Continue reading “Vixx is back, Ahjummas Anon Lives!”

“I Can’t Believe It’s Not Exploitation!” or the problem of Stellar

ETA: This post was written before the release of the “Sting” music video, but having viewed the video, my impressions here remain largely unchanged.

73357_600Few K-pop groups—particularly rookie groups—have received as polarized of a fandom reaction as Stellar. The group has courted scandal since “Marionette,” which featured “click to reveal more” teasers and a music video with a sexy concept exaggerated almost to the point of farce. Many ifans saw it as a company’s desperate bid for attention for their sinking group, and if it was, it worked. The video gained 2 million views in a week, and the group received more media coverage than they ever had. Their company, Entertainment Pascal, tried riding the wave of controversy by framing Stellar’s next comeback, the comparatively tame “Fool,” as a clapback to the slut-shaming they endured from fans over “Marionette.” “Fool” tanked, and with “Vibrato” and now “Sting” (previously reported as “Stabbed”; make of that what you will) it seems the company is back to their old tricks.

Continue reading ““I Can’t Believe It’s Not Exploitation!” or the problem of Stellar”

Ahjummas Anonymous’s Hot 100 2015: Women

You’ve already seen the men, now it’s time for the women!

hot1002015

Copy-pasted from the men’s post:

READ THIS PART BEFORE GETTING BUTTHURT PLEASE. The last time I tried this I did alphabetical order, but then people couldn’t read and got butthurt over the order, so I’m going to attempt to rank this time so if people are gonna get butthurt they’ll at least be accurate about it. I spent a good long time and did a lot of soul-searching when creating this list, so if you’re mad I didn’t include your fave, well, I also left off some of my own faves too. Even with 50 spaces there just wasn’t enough room to include everyone. Some idols I find attractive were also left off because of inactivity, and since this is a 2015 list, it would be disingenuous to include someone last seen in 2012. Google image searching 50 women and picking an HQ photo for each takes longer than you think. Finally, this highly objective and impartial post is still largely predicated on my own personal tastes. Having read all this, if you’re going to leave a butthurt comment, please preface said butthurt with “Dear fangirl proctologist,” so I at least know it’s informed butthurt.

Finally, there will be no underaged idols on this list so if your favorite fetus isn’t here, that’s why.

Obviously, this post is extremely image heavy. I don’t own any of these images.

Enjoy!

Continue reading “Ahjummas Anonymous’s Hot 100 2015: Women”

VIXX serves up VIXX lite in “Chained Up”

빅스(VIXX) - 사슬 (Chained up) Official M-V-2

I’ve been gone for a while, I know. It is really time I dusted off this blog, and wouldn’t you know that the thing to root me out of my seclusion would be a VIXX comeback?

Sadly, it isn’t the one I was hoping for.

This is not to say “Chained Up” is bad. But it doesn’t live up to the extremely high bar that VIXX have set for themselves. If anything, “Chained Up” reminds me of the kind of a song a rookie group would put out and get moderate amounts of attention for as it demonstrates basic competence in not sucking, but VIXX are past this by now. “Error” was just so flawless on every possible level that my wig is being retroactively snatched by it as I type. As you can see by my recaps of “Hyde” and “Voodoo Doll,” I’ve got nothing but lavish praise and perversion for VIXX. “Chained Up” just feels like a giant step backwards.

But I’ll get to that later. First, let’s recap this MV.

Continue reading “VIXX serves up VIXX lite in “Chained Up””

Stellar tries it with “Vibrato,” fails

I suppose titling the song “Subtle” would be disingenuous.

Well, if the goal of Stellar’s company was to get people talking, they succeeded.

Stellar remain best known for their attention-seeking “Marionette” video, which sparked controversy after featuring cliché sexy imagery and choreography dialed up to the point of farce and played completely straight. The members have expressed discomfort with the concept, but when their follow-up single “Fool”—a clap back at critics of “Marionette”—failed to garner the same level of attention, their company was back to their old tricks. “Vibrato” takes their “Marionette” concept a step further by hinting at self-awareness (and by “hinting” I mean “throwing sexual imagery at viewers with all the subtlety of a Mack truck”) and then ultimately playing the same farcical “sexy” tropes completely straight. Continue reading “Stellar tries it with “Vibrato,” fails”

Review: Exo – “Call Me Baby”

EXO_CALL ME BABY (叫我)_Music Video-2 copy

I didn’t think I’d be writing about Exo again on this blog, but here we are. Exo returns, a year later and two members fewer, with “Call Me Baby” off their second full album, “Exodus.” SM, you wrong (but so right) for that title.

Continue reading “Review: Exo – “Call Me Baby””

#BigBang Seungri and #4Minute Hyuna tapped for Korean Fifty Shades of Grey Remake

fsog

April 1st, 2015 – Ahjummas Anonymous has learned that Big Bang’s Seungri and 4Minute’s Hyuna have been cast in the upcoming Korean remake of Fifty Shades of Grey. The idols-turned-actors will play Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele, respectively. The remake will closely follow the plot of the books penned by British author E.L. Fudge, about a 27-year old C.E.O. of a cookie company who enters a BDSM relationship with a 21-year-old college graduate with a dual degree in English literature and pastry confection. Famous for their kinky sex scenes, the books have come under fire by some critics for a lack of research and realism—specifically, that a college graduate with no experience would be put in charge of a major company’s cookie design department for no other reason than she’s boning the C.E.O. Other inaccuracies include improper cleanup after use of chocolate syrup in a sex scene and an inaccurate portrayal of the realities of working as a pastry chef. Nonetheless, the franchise continues to enjoy juggernaut success and shows no sign of slowing down any time soon.

Other names thrown into the casting ring include Seungri’s bandmate Taeyang and 2NE1’s Dara, who are in talks to play Christian’s brother Elliott and Anastasia’s roommate Kate.

The film is slated for release on Valentine’s Day 2017.