Not sure if all y’all have been following Jennifer Armintrout’s sublime 50 Shades recaps, but if you’re not, then you really should. Her movie cast picks post is the inspiration for this one.

There have been many fancasts for the movie, but most have been so blindingly white it’s like a bleach convention up in here (although to be fair, that can also be blamed on E.L. James, whose only major character of color is a composite of lovely stereotypes). So I am here to remedy this grievous oversight. Ladies and gents, let me present my picks for 50 Shades of Grey: Asian Persuasion.

Christian Grey

So this guy is supposed to be the ultimate sex god that makes every straight/bi female around him spontaneously orgasm, right? So who better for the role than…


Seungri (of Big Bang)

Seungri brings the ladies out and you know he’s just enough of a troll to make this role his bitch. Christian Grey wouldn’t provide a towel, either.



Jin, Japan adult film star

Having watched much of his *ahem* body of work, I can attest that the guy’s got skillz… acting skills, you perverts. He’s a smooth motherfucker who looks damn good in a suit. Plus, he’s in a band. Bitches love guys in bands.


Simon (of Dalmatian)

He’s subbed for Beast’s Junhyung and Jay Park in various musical performances, and has always managed to be hotter and more fun to watch. He’d probably be better at being Christian Grey than the actual Christian Grey (if he were a real person).

Anastasia Steele

For her, we need someone who can play youthful and innocent but not make you feel like a pedo during her scenes with Christian. Thus I choose….



Korea’s little sister in a sex scandal? Say it ain’t so! If that ain’t some Ana Steele realness, I don’t know what is.



Suzy (of Miss A)

She has the right look, and managed to get through most of Dream High without actually changing her facial expression. She and Kristin Stewart have that in common, and since I imagine KStew was largely who readers pictured as Ana anyway, it works out.


Kim Hyuna

Hear me out on this one. I know she’s supposed to be K-pop’s resident sex kitten but she actually does cute really well (arguably better than sexy) and would transition easily into getting her bubble popped by Christian.

This post is getting kind of long so I will return later with picks for the supporting characters, including Kate, José, and Elena.