Guys, it’s too late at night for this and I’ve had too long a day

But what the fuck, J. Tune Camp

What in the actual fuck

Can we talk about this hokey ass filter that looks like that free shit you get on Photoshop sites, you know, those filters so useless no one wants to pay for them? And the outfits. The fucking outfits. After being a K-pop fan for over a year I figured I had pretty much seen it all. I figured wrong. To surprise one as jaded and bored as I am is quite a feat indeed. I mean, shit. It’s like JTC thought of about 5 concepts, all equally hokey, and couldn’t decide which one to go with, so they threw them all into a blender and just went with it. I refuse to believe someone was paid to design this. They probably spent their entire paycheck for even more LSD, the nasty ass shit you buy out behind the Circle K from some kid in a hoodie and has all sorts of unknown substances cut into it. The kind that makes you trip such balls everything sounds like Led Zeppelin and everything looks like it has this photoshop filter on it.

But hey, at least they put Joon front and center.

Seungho clearly cannot discern what the fuck that contraption on his wrist is any more than I can. He’s staring at it with the same sense of horror/fascination/confusion that I am feeling when I behold this I-laughingly-use-the-term photo shoot. This outfit is like Robin Hood meets Neo meets the rubber man from American Horror Story. Plus that random wrist thing.

I’m sorry I can’t express myself more articulately, but sometimes, all there is to say is… the fuck is this??? I was seriously speechless for a good long while when i saw this photo. First off, let me say that G.O cannot take a solo photo without working his hand in there somewhere (and no, it’s not as kinky as that sounded. Sadly). It’s like his signature pose. Now, while I have no problem gazing upon G.O’s hands, it would be kind of nice not to have cluster of shoelaces dangling in his pretty face. I mean, let’s be real, he’s one of the prettiest members of MBLAQ (and possibly one of the prettiest K-poppers) and these photo shoot directors keep shoving more shit in front of his face. Just. Stop.

As for this cornucopia of awful passing itself off as a costume, it looks like the costume designer just grabbed whatever was left over after working on an Ice Capades show and an S&M XXX video. And threw in some tap washers for good measure. Nothing says fierce and badass like a chain of tap washers!

Guys, you should’ve just gone with one of the S&M outfits. G.O in assless chaps and a collar would’ve probably been less embarrassing than this.

I’m thinking Sephiroth mated with a sasquatch and now has a severe case of indigestion after slaughtering and eating a massive silver spray-painted turkey. Possibly the same one that donated its feathers to G.O’s monstrosity. That poor, poor turkey. It deserves a better fate than this.

I guess Doc Marten boots survive the apocalypse.

This is actually one of the better photos in this hot ass mess of a shoot. Probably because you can’t see most of the outfit. Granted, Mir’s getup looks like a cross between Leonardo DiCaprio’s Romeo meets a goth cheerleader, but hey, at least Leo was really, really pretty in that film. The makeup is actually pretty decent–Mir looks good here, not too overdone. You know that a photo shoot is really fucked when a guy sporking a blonde Chingachgook ‘do actually took one of the more flattering photos.

And saving the totally objective and unbiased best for last, we have Joon. Oh, Joon. Be still my panties, for I never saw true beauty until this night. Or something. OK maybe I have and that would be the last time I looked at him but whatever. That face. That face. It almost makes me forget about the clusterfuck that is his outfit. It’s like they tried to tone down as much of his beauty as they could with this horrendousness but succeeded only in making him look like a really attractive yeti with a bondage kink lying on the floor making come-hither eyes at me and Joon I’m coming just let me grab my fur-covered cuffs first–

*ahem*

The video teasers for “It’s War” are surprisingly, well, normal after seeing this shoot. In fact, it’s almost disappointing. You don’t just drop a photo shoot concept this appallingly horrific and then ho-hum, standard K-pop MV that looks like a cross between the Bourne films and an overwrought k-drama. When you go this tacky and awful, you’ve got to commit. I was all set for some balls-out postapocalyptic Mad Max-esque ’80s throwback wonderfulness. Can you imagine? MBLAQ rolling through the desert in a tank firing phallic-shaped weapons whilst an army of scantily-clad extras scatter like flies. Damn, even JTC’s $2 budget could manage that. Have you seen ’80s movies?  It’s not like the SFX need to be good or anything.

Just shell out for a decent blonde wig to put on Thunder. He’d be fetching as Aunty.

Advertisements