Scans and article translations courtesy of

OK, you know I’ve got mad love for Teen Top. No, really. Stop looking at me like that. “No More Perfume On You” has been my jam lately. Mostly because I didn’t know what the words meant. Thanks to Simon and Martina, however, I realize now what a hot mess that whole concept is and I must join them in asking, “WTF is their management thinking?” I might be a creeper but come on, people. This is some Mary Kay Laterneau shit up in here.

The interview itself is standard K-pop boy band fare, with questions about their ideal girl and what turns them on. Ricky, at least, acknowledges that he felt uncomfortable singing the line about cheating on his girlfriend with a perfume-spraying noona. You go, Ricky. Sadly this does nothing to diminish the pedo bait-ness of this shoot. I know this is getting repetitive but… WTF is their management thinking?? It’s like they’re trying to emulate this iconic Janet Jackson photo (NSFW) or more recently, this Adam Levine photo shoot (also NSFW). The thing is, if you’re going for a sexy and provocative concept like this, you’ve got to commit. But since it would be socially unacceptable pretty much anywhere to have female hands groping a teenage boy’s junk, that’s out. So we get this watered-down version instead which is less with the sexy and provocative and more with the confusing and creepy.

I get that the red nail-polished hands are supposed to belong to a sexy noona, but I can’t be the only person who at a quick glance believed that two members of Teen Top could really have hands that girly. Not to mention that in a genre of music in which guys frequently wear copious amounts of guyliner and shave their pits, can girly red nail polish be that far off? And what is with that American $2 bill, yo? Has this noona been going to a strip club featuring underage boys? Are there even any $2 bills left anymore? You’d think noona could shell out more than that, even with inflation. Isn’t there a Lifetime Movie about this somewhere?

Changjo just wants to become a pop star but the only job he can find is working as a male stripper with a fake ID. One day he gains the affection of a sexy noona who decides to become his sugar mommy. But wait–noona’s husband figures out that she’s boffing an underage male stripper! So Changjo has to make sure she stops spraying perfume as not to give him away. Will the angry husband sniff him out and snuff him out before he can achieve his dreams? Find out in “No More Perfume On You” premiering Sunday September 4th at 9/8pm central.

I cannot believe the Ministry of Magic isn’t all up on this yet (let me clarify that I do not support censorship in any way, shape, or form; it’s just that the Ministry has banned videos for a lot less, which just goes to show how messed-up their priorities are).